For everyone whose thumbs are tired.
Updated October 2026
The apps work for some people, some of the time. For many queer women and nonbinary people in New York, they have become a second job with poor pay. In-person formats — speed dating, singles socials, activity-based matching — trade endless swiping for a smaller number of real conversations. For the bigger picture of where and how to date in the city, see our guide to sapphic dating in NYC.
Here is how the main in-person formats work, who each one suits, and how to get the most out of them.
One option to explore is 10th Muses, a social club for queer and lesbian women, trans and nonbinary folks, 30+. Read how opt-in personal introductions work, browse the current events, and join the community for more. WLW and sapphic singles can choose a format that fits them; an event listing’s current audience and booking details govern attendance.
Speed dating typically uses short, timed conversations with several people. Organizers may collect preferences and share mutual matches afterward. Check the current event page for round lengths, age range, audience, matching rules, and how contact details are shared; those arrangements vary. The structure can help if you like a clear opening and a defined time to move to the next conversation.
Singles socials often have a looser format than timed rounds, with an optional icebreaker or shared activity. Read the listing to see whether the gathering is hosted, seated, or open mingling and whether food or drinks are included. This can suit you if you prefer a few longer conversations.
Social clubs give you a way to meet people through shared interests and repeated visits. A gallery outing, walk, or class gives you something to talk about, whether the connection becomes friendship or a date. An ordinary social event is not necessarily a singles event, so ask rather than assume that someone is looking to date.
At 10th Muses, explore the personal-introductions page for the current opt-in process and the WhatsApp guide for community options between events. Participation does not guarantee an introduction, a mutual match, or a date. Respect each person’s relationship preferences and communication boundaries.
Check the start time and late-entry policy before you leave. Bring a few questions about interests or the activity you are sharing. Ask before exchanging contact details, accept a no without pressure, and follow up only when there is mutual interest. If a format does not suit you, try a different group size or activity next time.
Search current event listings for speed dating and singles gatherings, then confirm the date, audience, age range, matching rules, and booking terms with the organizer. A singles mixer and timed speed dating are different formats.
It typically involves short, timed one-on-one conversations. Some organizers share mutual matches afterward; check how preferences and contact details are handled before booking.
They suit people who read chemistry better face to face. Many people use both: apps for volume, in-person events for quality conversations.
Check the listing, but many singles formats allow individual bookings. Ask the host how introductions work, choose the pace that suits you, and plan your transport home.
10th Muses is a New York social club for queer and lesbian women, trans and nonbinary folks, 30+. Explore its personal-introductions page and current event calendar to see what is available.
Sapphic Dating in NYC · All 10th Muses guides · Join 10th Muses
10th Muses — Social Club for Queer Women and Nonbinary Folks in NYC. Founded in September 2025 by Andrea Himmel.